Campaign 2008: White House Dream Team 2009

Today's Financial News - Posted February 6, 2008

‘With all the hope and change in the air, it appears irrelevant who eventually may garner the nomination as the Democrats’ candidate for the presidential race. But it may be a good idea to look at the liberal pool of political talent who the victorious contender may establish as his or her A team to further the common good…’ — J. Christoph Amberger

By J. Chirstoph Amberger, TodaysFinancialNews.com

Baltimore – (TFN): The following was taken from this week’s Amberger’s Smackdown on TFN. Watch this video.

Americans watch the collision derby among the presidential candidates with more or less partisan interest. True, only few will be able to detect meaningful differences in the platforms, especially among the Democratic candidates. The inflationary use of the words Hope and Change in their most general applications do not invite rational scrutiny.

With all that hope and change in the air, it appears irrelevant who eventually may garner the nomination as the Democrats’ candidate for the presidential race. But it may be a good idea to look at the liberal pool of political talent who the victorious contender may establish as his or her A team to further the common good.

The Bush Administration set the selective criteria for the next Department of State hopeful quite high. The new melanin and chromosomal requirements for the job would make Maya Angelou the most probable successor to the stunning success Madeline Albright enjoyed securing the safety of the United States as Secretary of State. Mrs. Angelou could include bits of homespun poetry with her party favors to Al Sadr and Kim Jong Il, making the world a better and safer place where rhyme rivals reason.

What to do about John Edwards? Some consider him a worthy contender for the Department of Justice, but his track record chasing ambulances almost over-qualifies him to succeed Arnold Schwarzenegger as Chairman of the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports. Given his experience planning and building lavish estates for himself he is also a strong contender for the Department of Housing and Suburban Development.

Volunteer Cuban propagandist Michael Moore might team up with amateur weatherman Al Gore to head the Department of Education. “No Child Left Behind” will come to mean compulsory attendance for students to view Fahrenheit 911, An Inconvenient Truth, and Sicko from 7:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. in the afternoon, Monday through Friday, with a nutritious and carbon-free snack break in between.

Rather watch the financial video? Click here.

The Department of Transportation is a no-brainer for Ted Kennedy, just as no-one’s better suited to fill the army boots of Secretary of Defense than Rosie O’Donnell as Ying, joined by the corresponding Yang of Peace Minister Dennis Kucinic.

The Department of Treasury should be headed by former predatory capitalist and now self-sainted humanitarian, George Soros. Just as in his previous interaction with certain countries’ finances, neither the country nor the treasury may be off any better for it, but as the old broker’s saying goes, two out of three ain’t bad.

Homeland Security would be a shared responsibility between Dr Phil and liberal kingmaker Oprah. Their incisive analysis of the psychological root causes of terrorism, summed up in snappy one-liners and sandwiched between commercials for female hygiene products and Head On, Place directly on your forehead, will eliminate the need for costly security measures. Potential global malcontents would be signed up for mandatory membership in Oprah’s Book Club.

For the Department of Commerce, I’d suggest Harry Bellafonte. Not only is his experience unmatched in tallying “me banana” — his personal friendship with Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez also could get us a much needed group discount on Venezuelan heavy crude oil.

I envision a special cabinet level role for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’s Carson Kressley.

After all, someone has to figure out a way to decoratively integrate Hammer and Sickle into the Stars and Stripes.